the writing is on the wall

crawling the walls again.

the cable guy came tonight and i am all HDTV and DTV and wondering if there is a secret camera or something because my tv, all of a sudden, speaks to me like alph. the tone is sarcastic and it reminds me that i have to button my way through a tutorial.

for the first time, in a long time, there is another human-esque voice in this place. but it sounds like alph. the cat-eating alien!

dex and sophia are not happy.
k.

he was really a stuffed animal/puppet ? or was it a small sized actor in an alph suit?

dexter - 16 years ago

he was a wee kitten that they were going to euthanize because he had been beaten. he was a little scoundrel tiger. he paced back and forth in his cage. he gave me no eye contact, but attempted a hiss or a meow, but his little voice box wasn't working. he came home with me.

you don't pick them. they pick you.

16 years later i hold him with his trembling hips and constant need for insulin. i hold him and he holds me. he is my soldier. i love him unconditionally. dexter is the only constant in my life. he has been the ONLY constant in my life.

i have had the conversation with him.

when he is ready to go; he will let me know. and when he lets me know, i will do whatever he asks.

much the same as it was then...

i am crawling the walls tonight.

the news hovers above me. and haunts me. i really appreciated the CNN post of gwb's note to condi stating "let freedom reign". h o w e v e r, the projections are coming in from the canadian elections; and i can't find a live feed on any of my 200+ channels.

time warner suxaphone

when you call on the tellie .. they force you in to a universe of bad music. frank zappa wins my respect via bad ass muzak.

k. sux. andrea gone done her job silly.

i am without anything but black and white corn. fizzy and then i get 4 seconds of audio and it settles again.

i am blessed.

up and atom

ONE little molecule in my universe went astray tonight.

without this protonically neutral 'cule ... i am unable to charge.

ion a negative until it chooses to show up. so up and fucking atom!!!

voyage

...just back from one. and a work one at that.

the time warner cable folk were here at 10am while i was acting mall rat deep in new jersey.

the time warner folks were pretty pissed that i wasn't within my casa to let them in to install some techno jargon that will grant me full power to the ET network. so. they are going to charge me. ET phone home. do i actually require 500 stations, considering i am not home long enough to remove my wardrobe from atop the 52 inch screen?

if i get that far, i shove the wardrobe to the floor to access playstation.

in the morning i will re-envelop a 2 day old pair of accordian style jeans from the floor. accordian style because that is exactly the way i scrunched them off 2 days ago.

i landed back on 75th street and scarfed a platter full of chicken bolognese sauce. this was after 2 days of mall rat food. i would like very much to consume only cinnabon. good coffee and good bon. i get extra icing and float it on top of good coffee. a la mode. sew 2 beak.

games without frontiers. war without tears. i sew and sow and no nothing of knowing. i fall back to the beginning

mum

a further pro ...

mum wants me back home because she lives in fear that something will happen to me here. similar to the things that happened before and to our friends. she sends me email and signs them "love from a worried mum."

i have my passport and greencard and batteries and flashlight and chapstick and a wad of cash and a satellite mobile unit and an umbrella and a sweater and a list of all friends and relatives universally and photocopies of the documents in my safe deposit box and a jug of water and tampons and advil and bandages and tissues and socks and matches and lighters and chewy granola bars and a transistor (sp?) battery operated radio and a 60 minute gas mask and duct tape and surgical tape and flares and crazy glue and masking tape and a fire proof blanket and a swiss army knife and a nail file because the one that lives on the swiss army can't really file and reflectors and my ski parka and my thermal undies and my bug repellant and my insulin and my bee and wasp wand if i were to get stung and my calomine and benadryl and ambien and a sub zero sleeping bag and hiking boots

SHIT. i wish i could give this to the beheaded souls to come.

i feel helpless.

osama bin baked

i had a dream last night that he was captured in a fiery siege.

haven't checked the news yet; so i'll keep my fingers crossed

in memory of Charlene Singh

"Charlene Singh, the only U.S. resident thought to have the human form of mad cow disease, or variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (vCJD), died Sunday morning."

"A definitive diagnosis is not possible until after death. An autopsy is scheduled for Singh on Tuesday." - CNN

i stared at the photograph of Charlene in high school and saw such a young and beautiful soul. The photograph of her in her hospital bed once this disease ravaged her, well, she is unrecognizable. what a horrible thing. i am happy she is no longer suffering.
---
Stop Downed Cows From Entering the Human Food Supply!  Oppose H.B. 4121!

On December 30, 2003, after the discovery of a Holstein cow with Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy ("BSE") in Washington state, the USDA Food Safety and Inspection Service passed an emergency rule requiring that all non-ambulatory disabled cattle brought to slaughter be condemned, humanely euthanized, and properly disposed of.  This groundbreaking and necessary step taken by the USDA is in danger of being undermined by House Bill 4121! 

H.B. 4121 proposes to define the term "non-ambulatory" to exclude cows that are downed due to certain ailments, such as fatigue, stress, fractured limbs, and dislocated joints.  Allowing these animals to be slaughtered for food is not just a matter of putting the public at risk unnecessarily.  Permitting disabled or downed animals to be brought to slaughter is extremely inhumane and cruel to the animals themselves. These animals are, by definition, so severely injured or sick that they cannot even stand up.  They are often denied veterinary care and are dragged to slaughter by whatever means available, without regard to further injury to the cows.  USDA has recognized that illness and injury are often interrelated, and that sometimes, it is impossible to determine why an animal has become a downer.  For instance, an illness may cause an animal to lose balance and fall, in turn causing it to break a limb, well before it is showing any symptoms of disease.  Under the proposed definition, such animals would be permitted to enter the human food supply! 

Please send a letter urging your representative to oppose H.B. 4121 and make the USDA's ban on the use of ALL downer cows in the human food supply permanent law!" - ASPCA


if you go to ASPCA.org it can link you directly to a letter and an email address in which to send your thoughts.

my thoughts tonight are of Charlene and her family, first and foremost. i care not to open a debate on slaughter or veganism or vegetarianism or what is morally and ethically correct, or not, about consuming meat. there will never be a "winner" in that.

For those who do, and for those who don't, let's make sure that ill animals get the care they need or be euthanized mercifully. let's make sure the supply of meat graded for human consumption is not tainted. regardless of personal belief; there is a way to make sure this never happens again.

giant panda

The news from China's Third National Panda Survey is good!! there are over 40% more giant pandas in the wild than previously thought.

The First National Panda Survey was carried out between 1974 and 1977 and indicated that there were between 1,050 and 1,100 giant pandas living in the wild in China.

The Second National Panda Survey was carried out between 1985 and 1988, and also indicated that there were about 1,100 pandas left in the wild. Analysis of satellite imagery showed a 50 per cent loss of occupied habitat between 1974 and 1989.

The field work for the latest survey was carried out between 2000 and 2002. Unlike the previous two surveys, this survey attempted to count every single panda through a combination of fieldwork and sophisticated GPS technology. the good news is that there are nearly 1,600 giant pandas in the wild!!! : ) The survey discovered pandas living in regions not thought to have the species, and also pinpointed a number of threats to the long-term survival of this endangered species, including deforestation and continued poaching.

- compiled with information from WWF.org

screws. mollys. plugs.

SH**T !

i had no intention of posting again until monday cuz i cherish incognito, especially on weekends - HOW, F**CKING, EVER ... i am so pissed off at dry wall. like i am so pissed off that i might have to take a jacuzzi. in cold water. with no soap. no epsom salts. THAT pissed off. note to reader: DO NOT renovate a manhattan apartment. it just ain't worth it. you will, without a doubt, end up hating dry wall. i am not a hateful person, but i hate dry wall. in defense of HATE - i really LOVE my new kitchen. but that is an entire other story. one that involves toxic mold and rodents. ewwww.

back to dry wall....
worker bee that i be. utilizes a dinosaur of a drill to install an elegant and environMENTALLY friendly gallery lamp; in hopes of illuminating a piece of stunning art, with warm blue beams of light. heavenly light. this work of art (NMO) humbles me and it only deserves soft and warm caress.

i continued to drill. one hole. two holes. three holes. [enter an amount of holes] that i cannot deal with. the wall in discussion is sapphire blue. it was sanded and painted like silk. it now has acne. i failed at getting the anchors in place. i hammered, drilled, screw-drivered to no avail. now the apartment that was on track to stellar, needs medication.


the BEST part of it is, kick me when i'm down, throw salt in my wound, attack when my guard is down ... i innocently drilled into a vital electrical vein. the jacuzzi is dead. the gorgeous and amazing brand-new kitchen has halted itself. my AC unit sputtered something about guam - and died.

suction

sophie decided to excavate the litter box. she was in there for a solid (NPI) 17 minutes digging for gold. digging to china. she does curiously look like a panda...

the litter was spewing like volcanic ash.

out comes the vacuum. it has a european name but was made in china. it has 4 (FOUR) settings for the amount of suction. i don't get it. it baffles me so. why would i choose to have less suction? yes, please, i only want to suck up half of the mess in triple the time. wait. wait, wait ... i really, only, want the vacuum to suck on low.

this reminds me that tomorrow is father's day. my dad's favorite toy (other than his tractor and X5) is a leaf blower. i wonder if his leaf blower has low, medium, high and extra high blow settings? he is in denmark, so my question will remain unanswered until his return.

sophie found gold and transported it to my pillow. shit, (NPI) now i have to do laundry. happy saturday people. and happy father's day - a day early.

pain

a particular person in a very particular way has been hurt by another person. the hurt is so undeserved. i just want to take it away.

i'm screaming out to the universe to make it go away.

sometimes i feel so helpless.

to the one who hurts (and you know who you are) i think you are perfect. and those words are just words. you can't be everything to everyone. the person who made you hurt has no f**king idea what they are talking about.

it's guam again and i am going to starbucks to get a coffee disguised as dessert

fading ink

the dance of bad angels who'd love to fly higher. my bethesda wings fade more each day. give me wings. give me wings. now i am stuck on the ground and would like to fly higher.

abort him!

gwb wants to outlaw abortion; effectively turning women into criminals for exercising control over their own lives and bodies. Before Roe, 1.2 million women per year sought illegal, back-alley abortions and 5,000 women died each year from these procedures.

i wonder if mr and mrs gwb would like to take care of the millions of unwanted children that will end up living unwanted lives?

it is difficult for me to believe that if jenna or barbara got pregnant after a one-night stand, and wanted an abortion, that gwb strives for a government that will not allow her to terminate her pregnancy. i wonder if the thought of either of his daughters and a wire hanger on somebody's un-sterile kitchen table might change his mind.

i'm sickened

the bastards be-headed Paul Johnson. i am so furious. i am so sad and so furious.

i can't vote. i want to vote, but i can't because i am not a citizen of this country. will everybody else please vote so we can get rid of gwb?

vilkkomen

i wanted to get on the blog wagon. so here i am. it was a bumpy ride getting here, but i am here now and that is all that matters.

it's hot in nyc today. guam hot. the humidity is like fog. last night it rained rain like i have never seen before. the drops were apple sized. it was coming down so fast and furiously that the sewers couldn't keep up the water suckage. they were backing up and making little lakes .