ANOTHER YEAR

I like to anniversary last years (and the year before that) questions and answers. I have 730 days of more experience.... MY LATEST ANSWERS start with a * ....

2006 entry:
1 YEAR
I think it is important to address last years questions a year later. I may not have any answers, but I have an extra 365 days of life knowledge to direct towards them. I have had an incredible year so here they are.... my current answers are ALL-CAPS ...

Tuesday, August 23, 2005
CURRENT QUESTIONS
- do plants have a life expectancy?
- THEY ABSOLUTELY DO; I LOST AN IVY PLANT 4 MONTHS AGO TO OLD AGE.
* I planted a sprout from that original Ivy plant and I have a gorgeous mass of Ivy now. I was wrong.

- how do hemopheliacs survive cat scratches?
- ONLY WITH MEDICATION AND MONITORING.
* the medication must include large doses of antibiotics.

- why can't my employer match my 401K contributions?
- I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE.
* roll over IRA

- why does my tan fade, but not my freckles?
- I STOPPED LYING IN THE SUN. I WEAR SUNBLOCK EVERY DAY AND MY FRECKLES HAVE FADED.
* not really. they are a part of me.

- why is the new paint on my walls already cracking?
- IT ISN'T NEW ANYMORE, BUT IT STILL CRACKS. OLD BUILDING=DRY WALL BREAK DOWN. I LOVE THE IMPERFECTIONS NOW.
* the cracks get deeper and I love them more and more.

- why do i sometimes get homesick when i am home?
- I STILL DO. I ALWAYS WILL.
* always will. however, my homesickness no longer roots from the past. it just roots and hovers.

- why do i sneeze when i use a highlighter?
- NOW THAT I USE AN INHALER, I DON'T SNEEZE LIKE THAT ANYMORE.
* highlighters still make me sneeze; i am off the inhaler.

- how does my wireless keyboard keep up with my fingers?
- BLUETOOTH !
* and a really kick-ass wireless connection.

- where are all my stuffed animals from childhood?
- I SPENT A WEEK AT MY DAD'S FARM GOING THROUGH BOXES THAT HAD BEEN IN STORAGE FOR 26 YEARS. THEY ARE PACKED UP, NEAT AND SNUGLY, IN AIR TIGHT RUBBERMAID BINS.
* they are in the bins, at the farm and i visit with them every 6 months or so.

- why does the printer always jam 5 minutes before my big presentation?
- A WATCHED PRINTER WILL NEVER PRINT.
* work up to a position that allows you an assistant or 2 who will take responsibility for it.

- why does my ipod keep updating the song "pop goes the weasel" when it isn't in my itunes folder? (and never has been)
- I RE-CONFIGURED MY IPOD TO THE ORIGINAL FACTORY SETTINGS. NO MORE WEASEL.
* Little Miss died last week. no more weasel; ever.

- why does bleaching my white tee-shirts make them more yellow?
- SWEAT WHEN MIXED WITH BLEACH TURNS YELLOW.
* every 6 months I buy a new batch of white tee-shirts and use the old ones for cleaning.

- who keeps taking my Architectural Digest magazine from my mailbox?
- MY SUBSCRIPTION RAN OUT.
* I now receive AD at home and the office for free. go figure.

- who was the first mad cow?
- THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN OPINION ON THIS ISSUE.
* I did some research and think I know. I did much reading and made charts, but opt out of my answer on the www.

- why am i always the chosen wing-man?
- WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. I WON'T EMBARASS YOU. I THINK.
* I'll embarass myself before I embarass you. I have basic manners and won't talk about politics.

- am i becoming "Debbie Downer"?
- ONLY WHEN I AM BLUE.
* I still get blue, but I will stay home if there is risk of me bringing anyone else down.

- what is solar reflex?
- NO IDEA.
* nope. no idea.

- should i buy a panini maker?
- I DID AND IT BROKE. TALK TO YOU NEVER.
* I bought the GT Xpress 101 with high hopes of fabulous panini's ... right out of the gate, it caught on fire. talk to you never.

- do coffee beans go bad if you keep them in the freezer?
- NOPE. THEY GO STALE WHEREVER YOU STORE THEM .... EVENTUALLY.
* coffee beans, in a perfect world, should never be stored. they should be purchased on a need to drink basis.

- why don't i understand Mark Rothko?
- HE PAINTED SO I LIKE HIM, BUT I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND.
* I like him because he painted and I stared inside. I might be starting to begin understanding. or not.

- why did Natalee Holloway's family wait 6 weeks to offer a reward?
- THEY NEVER FOUND HER. MY HEART HURTS FOR HER AND HER FAMILY.
* my heart still hurts. there was no closure. no nothing. I have a feeling she died the night she went missing.

- why do horseshoe crabs frighten me so much?
- THEY STILL SCARE ME A BIT, BUT I HAVE SPENT SOME TIME WITH THEM AND THEY ARE KIND OF CUTE. THEY DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.
* hello fleas and ticks. I rescue animals that are embedded with bugs and i have yet to bring a single one home.

- would i be happy living in a small town?
- HA HA .... IS THIS A TRICK QUESTION?
* I would be happy living in a small town as long as I had the means to visit the city. A garden and veranda rocking chairs and a BBQ ....... Soooooo peaceful.

- should i buy an old Triumph convertible?
- ZIP-CAR
* I want an old Triumph convertible. they are so pretty.

- do the guys i like really prefer high-maintenance and stupid?
- I DON'T LIKE THAT TYPE OF GUY ANYMORE. AND YES, THEY DO.
* trick question?

- why is cold pizza better than hot?
- YOU DON'T BURN THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH WITH BOILING CHEESE.
* cold pizza has way better qualities than hot pizza.

- who is the stranger who keeps emailing me from Zurich?
- I GOT HIS NUMBER.
* we are no longer friends.

- is there really a way to keep the ozone hole from getting bigger?
- AL GORE MADE A MOVIE ABOUT IT AND I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.
* I do my best to reduce my carbon footprint. I pay more each month on my electric bill and I unplug my alarm clock every day.

- ...and if so, why is it getting bigger?
- BUSH.
* Hillary in '08 !!!!!!!!!!!!

- are 50 happy years better than 75 mediocre ones?
- STILL NO WAY TO TELL, BUT I THINK SO.
* I still agree with myself.

- if i was a mother named Enola Gay, how would i have felt having my name painted on that plane?
- I'D HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT MY CHILD MADE THE RIGHT DECISION; EVEN IF I DISAGREED.
* exactly. I don't have children. The men who flew a plane with the name Enola Gay didn't know and neither did their mothers.

- why is someone else's silence so painfully quiet?
- YOU WILL NEVER HEAR WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR.
* you can only learn from someone else's silence and take it with you. rest assured that their silence has nothing to do with you.

...as always, to be continued
AS ALWAYS.... SEE YOU IN 365....
* as always .... see you in 365


HAPPY 730!